I am really grateful to Mathijs Beks.
He turned my new ebook into a music video simply because he liked it.
‘The Best Communicator in the World’ Now a Music Video
Blog Radio
I’ll be on blog radio at 12 Wednesday talking about how you can influence folks with better communication and how influence happens naturally.
Are You Excited?
I know it’s hard out there right now. People keep messing with us, our security and what we desperately want to see happen at work, at home, and in our needy world.
There is something you can do right now: Get excited. No matter how bad it is, there is something that moves you. In any of the environments where you’re struggling, there is something you like to do, a person with whom you like to work, and an idea that keeps replaying in your head.
If you focus on what excites you, you’re work and life will improve because when you are excited, you communicate differently. Tired people, stressed people, worried people: We’re not great with listening or with words.
Excited people, who have hope and want to do what they’re doing, change the energy in every moment. Excited people infect the people around them and instead of drama, you get progress.
The Best Communicator in the World
I had so much fun writing this manifesto titled, “The Best Communicator in the World.” It is playful and offers solutions–a critique of where we are as a world and a hopeful presentation of what you can do about it in every relationship starting right now.
I hope you choose to download it here:
http://www.changethis.com/67.06.BestCommunicator
“I Hate Defensive People”
Your not crazy if you get defensive sometimes, and most of us get deeply frustrated when the people we work and live with get defensive.
Here’s our new, brief article about why defensiveness happens and what to do about it.
HR Professional’s 25th Anniversary Edition…
If You Force Him, He Will Crumble
You have a teammate that struggles speaking in front of other people. It doesn’t matter if it’s a short presentation with people in your office or if it’s with clients, the very idea of public speaking makes him want to become an ostrich.
If you’re the boss, don’t force him. Worse, don’t tell him, “You can do it,” that you believe in him, then force him. Worse than that, don’t tell him what he’s doing wrong in excruciating detail so he feels completely naked, then say, “Try, try again.”
The secret to becoming a better speaker in front of groups is comfort. Some people need help with the technical aspects of speaking–i.e. volume, pausing, inflection, and other folks have psychological issues. I’ve been speaking in front of large groups since I was a teenager. After decades, I still get nervous. I am now comfortable in front of every size group because I know what I need to enjoy the experience. For me, I need to prepare a certain way and I need a particular attitude to make sure the experience is pleasurable.
Your teammate has to learn to be comfortable. You can help. Ask him where he is most comfortable speaking. If he says, “Nowhere,” ask where he is least uncomfortable speaking. Then create casual practice sessions that feel as natural as possible.
- Have the person do two minutes of a presentation each morning with you in your office.
- Have her do an update at the least threatening meeting.
- Have her design the plan where improving almost feels like it happened naturally.
Push, but not so hard that she can’t recover. The fear is not the problem. Almost all of us are afraid of public speaking. The challenge is to get comfortable and figuring out together how to do that so when the fear strikes, she knows what to do.
Learning is Like Love
Remember falling in love fast: The pure thrill that lasted the first few months, weeks, or minutes. And then, if you stayed together, you realized that all was not roses and endorphins and the work began.
Perhaps you’ve had the chance to stay in love a long time. Maybe the love started slowly. Bit by bit you got to know the other person. Day by day you let them into your life. Your relationship intentionally reached a closeness where your connection could smolder without losing the heat.
Learning is like love. An idea that you suddenly grasp, are entirely excited about, and can’t get enough of, may not reach the core of who you are. Intellectual excitement is the first step. Without practice, and then application of any concept in an arena where you can deeply embrace the knowledge: Learning is like a date who shows up and leaves you after the first drink.
The Most Important Thing To Do When…
When you’re ready to throttle a colleague because they’re not making any sense (especially if you’re the boss), pause.
Most likely, she has something important to say, but she isn’t communicating in a way that matches the way you think.
If you’re deductive, and most executives and busy people become more deductive over time because they process so much information, you want the person to get to the point.
She will. If you only have five minutes, or two minutes, tell her. In those few moments, however, give her your full attention. Hear her point. If she’s inductive, it won’t come until the end of what she’s saying.
If you miss it, you hurt the relationship. You won’t get the best out of her and she won’t trust you.
She knows you’re busy too. If you give her enough time to express her thoughts and get to the point (or schedule a time later when you can give your full attention), she’ll know you want her on your team, and you’ve got a teammate whose ready to do her best work.
Tell Them Why
Nothing paralyzes a team more than when they don’t understand why their work is important.
The twist: The way you say it matters.
Some people want the logic. Other people want the emotional reasons. Some people will only listen if “the why” comes from someone they trust.
If you want to get the most out of the people with whom your working, figure out what motivates them:
- Logic
- Emotion
- Credibility
Then talk about the value of what you do, framing the conversation the way they need to hear the information.