Sometimes, there is simply nothing you can say.
Whether the other person is
- Fixed in his attitude or ideas,
- She has had the kind of bad day where only a good night sleep or a month of vacation will let her relax,
- Or in the worst cases, the person’s brain chemicals are misfiring like an engine with a worn spark plug,
Sometimes, all you can do is box up that conversation and put it on your shelf of lessons learned.
You may think you can communicate with anybody. You may believe that your verbal kung fu (kung fu originally meant “achievement through great effort” and could apply to any skill; not just martial arts) is so strong that you’ll attempt the same fruitless techniques to win the other person over. You may believe you have to come to common ground to stay in a relationship with the person.
The worst thing you can do when you run into a person who is stuck, tired, or mentally ill: argue. He will always win because he won’t stop arguing. You can try and please her, and she will yell at you. If she is in a funk, it is the funk speaking and no reason or emotional life jacket will help her rise back to reality.
There is another option.
Say little, or nothing. Sometimes the best communication is to wait. If you have to speak, ask the question that clarifies what you need from the other person. Ask only that question and then wait.
The person may not be able to give you what you need. Or, they may wake up. They may go home and rest (or sleep on the couch), and have a clear head in the morning. Sometimes someone just forgot to take their medicine, and when they do, you recognize the person you know and trust the next time you see her and you start over.
Sometimes everything goes back to normal with a little time off. Other times, it’s time for a change. When verbal kung fu fails, waiting can help you know what to do next.
